Cancer death rates to fall as they rise?

This is great news – and news based upon a report provided by a charity I have supported, Cancer Research.  I look forward to the rush to claim responsibility for the positive trend by politicians. Due to improved techniques of diagnosis and treatment, death rates -  the number of deaths per 100,000 - will fall by 17%. However, according to the BBC news article, ‘the total number of people who actually develop and die from cancer will increase’. Baffled.

Green Day: to music as Vesuvius was to Pompeii

Call me old fashioned but considering the complete dog’s dinner Green Day made of The Who's‘The Kids Are Alright’ – a perfectly brilliant song until they got hold of it - rehab is the best place for their ‘singer’ – as far away from a microphone as possible. Check it out on youtube if their version is still up. It could well have been taken down - not because of copyright violation but simply because it is so appalling.

Downton a triumph, Bonneville almost says.

Downton Abbey swept the Emmy’s last night claiming two of the most prestigious of the evenings gongs. While other shows were winning silly categories such as the award for Best Drama, won by Homeland, Downton stole the show with Outstanding Hairstyling for Single Camera Stuff and Best Music Leading Up To A Commercial Break.  Downton had also been nominated for Least Amount Of Movement From Actors While Delivering Lines; Slowest Delivery Of Lines; Least Amount of Sets Used and Most Inexplicable Global Success Considering Lame Script and Acting. Maggie Smith completed Downton’s great evening by scooping Best Supporting Actress but narrowly missed out claiming the award Longest Time Spent in One Costume During Series.

Clegg in the driving seat

When I was a child I had a driving kit. It was a pretend steering wheel with which I could pretend I was driving the car, complete with hooter, and stuck to the glove box by way of a suction pad that I had to lick. My dad would smile at me as he drove along, holding his wheel, while his feet were doing things I couldn’t see while I giggled and gurgled as I turned my bright red wheel left then right, willy nilly, and honked the squeaky yellow horn. For some reason this memory has come to mind while I read of Nick Clegg and Danny Alexander at their conference at the women’s institute hall in Brighton. They pretend they are sharing the driving with the Tories – all these alpha male policies to hunt down the wealthy’s tax. All these extra jobs promised at the HMRC while at the same time admitting they haven’t quite persuaded the government to pursue the rich with a mansion tax. 

Scotland Invented The World and now it’s beaten it at Tennis!

Fergie proclaimed that Scotland Invented The World at a recent press conference held for the world’s greatest ever tennis player ever, Andy Murray. This controversial statement, made appropriately on Sunday – a day commonly associated with God’s day of rest after having created the world – will not have gone down too well with some religious groups. For many years The Seventh Day Adventists have had to contend with claims that the world is older than their estimate of 7000 years. These claims have been backed up by some very scientific evidence and the concept that the world (or the earth as it is often commonly referred to) is several millions years old now prevails. But now this boldness by the greatest ever football manager ever not to win the Zenith Data Systems Cup: that his country of birth, Scotland, invented the world! Of course, I jest. Sir Alex was simply referring to the key inventions that were also born in Scotland. A country’s inventiveness is inversely proportional to the quality of that country’s climate. Sunny places such as Australia are not as inventive as somewhere horribly wet and windy with grey mournful skies – such as Scotland. This is simply because people stay indoors more up North. They stay inside watching the rain come down as they twiddle their thumbs. But, of course, this doesn’t mean those down under don’t occasionally twiddle their thumbs out in the sun. The Australians invented wine box and beer koozie – both important features of a modern barbecue. Meanwhile in the weather worn granite streets over the inhospitable Northumbria borderlands, The Scots were determined to improve those long days spent indoors. They invented the telephone: ‘What is the weather like over your way?’ ‘Shite, pal. I’m staying in to twiddle me thumbs.’ They then further enhanced life within four walls by inventing the television. And, it was upon that TV, invented by a Scot, that I was able to watch that other Scot, Handy Murray, beat the world at tennis (sadly invented by the Sassenachs as their weather was marginally better).

Pistorious Pissed Off

  

Oscar Pistorious lost out to speedy Brasilian Alan Oliveira in last night’s Paralympic 200m final (T43/44). Leading the field with 80m to go Pistorious was flabbergasted when Brazil’s blur of blue zoomed past him to hit the line first. The South African, who seemed to cross the line hours later although it was actually just a matter on nanoseconds, headed towards the first microphone he could see to vent his anger at coming second. The mike belonged to Channel 4 and, with miraculous fortune, C4 were having a break in their adverts for some Paralympics action. Oscar took the opportunity to blame his miserable second place on the fact that his victorious foe was taller than him and was thus able to run faster. Pistorious, it would seem, prefers to run against people shorter than him so that he can beat them.

BBC employs Di Canio

'.....Paolo Di Canio column: The transfer window is a good thing

BBC Sport have signed up one of football's most controversial and colourful characters, Paolo Di Canio....'

I am a bit confused. The last I heard was that self confessed fascist Paolo Di Canio was making ‘inappropriate’ comments to one of his Swindon squad – and acknowledged as so by the club to the player's lawyer: "The club accepts that the use of this phrase was inappropriate and apologises to your client for any upset that this has caused him."  This news item from the BBC - http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/18245752 - and refers to events in March of this year. The GMB union withdrew its sponsorship of STFC last year in protest at Di Canio’s appointment. Di Canio thinks the transfer window is good; he also thinks well of Mussolini.

Burning Man Bike Borrowing

The Burning Man festival is up and running in the Black Rock desert in Nevada. Over twenty-five thousand people assemble as Black Rock City literally springs up out of the inhospitable lifeless dust. It is worth considering if you want to get away from it all, though in this case ‘all’ means all and is not an excuse for lying by a pool with a good book and a cocktail. It means using one-ply toilet paper for a start and that would count me out! Who goes there? Judging from the advice about bicycles, nobody you’d want to meet...

HAPPY BICYCLING

    LOCK YOUR BIKE! It is recommended you lock your bike at all times when not in use... No bike is considered stolen unless the lock was cut, and no bike is considered lost until the event is over on Monday. If your bike is missing, you can file a lost bike report at Playa Info at any time during the event.

    DECORATE YOUR BIKE: It is much less likely your bike will be borrowed without permission if it looks unique.

    MARK YOUR BIKE: and ALL of your significant possessions (backpack, camera, etc.) with your name, phone number or email address, and camp location.

The first principle of the ‘culture’ of the city is to include everyone – and that means tossers who are likely to ‘borrow a bike without permission’.

BBC Paralympics Coverage of Medal Table.

A lot has been said about the BBC being outbid for the broadcast rights to the Paralympics. C4 pipped them to the ‘gold’ with a final round bid of 8-9 million. People at the BBC are apparently still gutted they lost the race to get the games. Even Gary Lineker is bemoaning the Beeb’s failure to retain its title as champion of Paralympics’ broadcasting. So, from three terrestrial stations’ coverage and plenty more online the BBC’s output has been somewhat reduced to Radio 5 and a few highlights and a link to C4 on its website. They have also reduced their attention to the medal table with seems to be updated each day by whoever gets in first in the morning. How much did the BBC bid:. five hundred quid? A grand? How much do they pay for the F1 season - how many people particpiate in F1, an extremely minority sport? C4, having picked up where the BBC couldn't be bothered to go, cannot be blamed for having short breaks in their adverts for a bit of paralympics action.