Roy Who?

“Roy Who?” were the words that resounded around the corridors of international football HQs a little after 16.00 hundred o’clock hours pm yesterday. Yes: Roy Who, as he will be known in the future, is the new England Manager a little after 16.00 hundred o’clock hours pm. Yes, Roy Who, as he will be known in the future, is the new God of all things. If you don’t know him through football, which is quite likely, you may know him from his dry cleaning and shoe repair business in Esher. I have often popped in to avail myself of one of Roy’s ‘Hot Deals’ on shoelaces. He stocks many lengths and styles in both black and brown. We are safe with Roy on one front as I don’t envisage him embarking upon a steamy physical relationship with a member of staff at FA HQ. But that might, in the end, be the only safe front. Roy has succeeded with raising the game of underdogs or teams from places we have to look up in ‘My Big Atlas’. Most Europeans commentators have had a problem with West Bromwich Albion as they had no idea where it was other than, perhaps, it being further west than East Bromwich and could only bungle the awkward syllables. Roy has, on the other hand, failed with sexy A list teams such as Liverpool and Inter. Roy must avoid kicking of his training sessions in the England camp with the words, ‘This is a exercise I used with the Finland team...’ Roy hasn’t actually won anything – as yet – in the footballing regions of Europe. (Sweden is not a footballing region of Europe).

England stars are used to dealing with big name managers and the more those mangers have won big things the more shock and awe they can get away with. I hope Roy has inner reserves of steel and command to electrify Lampey, Rooneyey, Coley and Harty and get us past the group stages of Euro 2012. If he does, the world will  then know exactly who Roy Higson is.